It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
