Little spoons don't ask big questions
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
