Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
