so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm bleeding and have questions
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
