the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
