I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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