whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
