Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
