i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
