I'm really into asian looking animals
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
