I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
