The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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