This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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