I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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