So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he fucked my hip out of place.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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