she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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