the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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