dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
