is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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