She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
