Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
