i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
