1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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