I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
