I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
