i may or may not be watching the land before time
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hippo gnu deer
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
