She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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