cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
