either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
