420 ftw
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
