so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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