You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
