woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
