Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
