Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
