You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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