so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
