For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
