Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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