Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
