So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
