New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
