There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
