he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
