I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
