When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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