whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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