im drinking this country out of the recession.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
