He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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