At least make sure they are 18
Why
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
