I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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