I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
